Okay. I know things here have been a bit gray for the non-members. Or maybe just in general. Who checks on a blog these days without a story on a celeb nowadays anyway?

Regardless. It’s gone internet public now. We can chat about it, apparently. (also will put it in ‘extended’, in case it goes away in the night…)

Today, as any longtime reader would know, marks my 14th anniversary. In gay years that’s like 1,299,889 years. Only sadly Richard and I split officially in March. Two days after I was laid off from my job of 9 years… This has been the year that *super sucked* for me. I have been single and unemployed to DWELL ON IT. Thank gawd for iPhone dating apps! Otherwise IDK what I’d have done. Such a great distraction from reality: like losing my potential dream home, losing the love of my life (I thought), losing friends (you’d be surprised), and just a general mourning of my future in general. And we haven’t even thought of splitting households yet. THAT will suck greatly. 13 years of mutual decisions and purchases is a LOT…

Anyhoo, the point is, that tho he has a new life (Happy One Year….  kids) and I have met a steady-type boyfriend… Today is just not a good day. It’ll take years for the meaning we have given July 4th to leave my life and become a harmless national holiday once again. Life moves faster than the heart.

I am sorry that I hurt you. I am sorry that I lied. I am sorry that I brook your heart. I am sorry that I made you cry. I am sorry for the pain that I caused. I am sorry for the dark and gray days. I am sorry that you are sad. I am sorry that your are mad and even angry. I am sorry that l have changed your life forever. I am sorry that things will never be the same again. I am sorry that I have made the mistakes that I have made. I to have pain and sadness,anger,and dark days where I cry. Life is not fair and is full of surprises, mistakes and and thing that change us forever. In many ways we are all victims because there are too sides to everything and always will be . A year ago I made a decision that would change my life forever. It would go on to change many lives and for that I am deeply sorry. There are days where I am so upset and confused as to what move or decision to make next that I cry till it hurts so bad that the pain from the crying gives me something else to think about. There are many days that I say to my self ” I just want my life back” and I know that that is not the answer. Or is it? Where do I go from here? How am i to feel? Did Stella really get her groove back and what does that mean? On the days that I feel so alone, I think at least we are still friends. Tho there are days were even that feels on the edge. I know you will always be there for me and for that I am grateful. You have at least seemed to have found a glimmer of happiness and I hope you have. I never meant to have an affair and break up the happy home but for me, I was not so happy and I am sorry. I am sorry if I did not make that more clear over time. I am sorry that I did not speak up more. . I thought I had. I am sorry that I deceived you for eight months before telling you.

tagged: life anniversary sad new beginnings   sad

daniel · early evening · say it · ping it

Well. March is over. Finally. This has been the single worst month of my entire life. I say good riddance!

In other related news, today marks the last day of my employment. I think I have finally embraced it as a possible good change. I have been working solidly since I was 18 years old. I have never taken more than a week and a half off. Ever. It will be a break. I plan to utilize the outplacement agency my company provided me to the fullest. I plan to aim high in my job search and maybe get something closer to my Dream Job. Maybe next year for the first time in my life I won’t be working in a mall at Christmas! You never know…

Change can be a good thing? I hope so. I most certainly hope so!

tagged: work life change   dread

daniel · early morning · 1 comment · ping it

I have sooo many things to write about. Like a lot. However I need to figure out my “member only” content area. I tried some code from a friend, but it made no difference. Until I figure it out… IDK. I’ll write in draft mode.

Crap.

tagged: life changes

daniel · late evening · 6 comments · ping it

Something is up. I have noticed it, Richard has noticed it. I am sure any remaining readers here have noticed it. My friends I chat with online have really felt the brunt of it.

I am just not spending much time online anymore.

Crazy! Right? OMG, who the hell would have ever seen the day coming where Daniel was not online *every day*. Dude. I used to BLOG *every day*. Now we are lucky to get a photo posted each month… I have changed. Is it for the better? I think so. I am focused on reality much more (not that my online life isn’t real, just not… you know). I think my relationship has improved. I have my first very own non-aquatic pet, which if you know me you know how huge that is. So I guess there are positive trade-offs in addition to the flip side. I miss some of you very much. I miss the excitement of comments. Comments! Such a simple thing, but way more exciting than an @reply on Twitter. Srsly, right? Gawd I miss comments…

Also, as much as I adore (ADORE, love, cherish, worship) my iPhone, it’s just not that conducive to blogging. It does audio well, but that is a major shift that I think needs to be done right on the blog-end… It’s not a podcast, which I am set up for. I dabbled heavily in the podcast world, but it wasn’t my gig. When all was said and done I frankly didn’t have the attention span for it. I liked doing it, the tech was fun. I just don’t have time to listen to them all to be part of the “whole thing”. So there would need to be retooling to make ME interested. I know y’all are Feed Readers at this point. I am the one who needs pretty. Yay! Pretty!

What is this whole post about? I am not sure. I guess it’s another “I’m still here, are you?” type posts. I am not giving up. I just need to reinvent myself.

Like Madonna.

tagged: blogging update life transition

daniel · early evening · 4 comments · ping it

Today is a shitty day. And we are just 22 minutes in. I should actually be in bed, but I am all worked up.

I got drama coming and going lately. Apparently there is actually drama in RL. I have no idea what is going on with that really.. But I don’t wanna air the laundry here. So there’s that. Then iTunes still hasn’t approved my podcast feed, that they are making me resubmit for mysterious “technical” reasons. I have ran that feed through everything. It is now flawless. They still won’t take it. So I had to turn to feed burner. Sigh. Never ending. Now I await their approval so I can fix my iTunes download link. All for a podcast I never do anymore. Silly. But I feel attached since I was motivated to fix my SEO... Heheh.

Speaking of, the creator of that particular podcast stopped by dp.com. He even commented! Even though I was kinda bitchy in the post. Hi Wes! Now I kinda feel bad about the post... I mean, I am not going for podcasting fame. I don’t care to be “first” really. Who needs labels? Right? But now Wes has removed his label, and he works really hard on his show, whereas I just sort of talk… Sporadically.

Dude, you can totally be first.

Anyhoo. I sent him what was hopefully a nice response. He is a local guy after all. I am always looking for new local peeps!

tagged: podcast itunes life today live it up seo

daniel · the wee hours · say it · ping it

I just got home from the gym. I know!! It’s been months since I have been up in there. I gotta say, it felt good. Now I just have to get back in the habit of going multiple times a week. That is the hardest part for me. It’s soo easy to put it off at first. But once I make it habit my OCD takes over and I will be compelled, just like old times. Just like so many other things in my life. Heh.

Wish me luck!

In other news, today begins a stint of 5 closing shifts in a row! Wee! I’ll be doing the time warp if anyone needs me…

tagged: work ocd gym life

daniel · early afternoon · 1 comment · ping it

I am at a loss. There are things in my life that are going so well. Then there are the things going less than well. Then there are the situations I never saw coming that leave me confused.

What is it with people? I built a successful career dealing with people, yet in my personal life I suck at it. Good thing I am already married yo.

tagged: life confused

daniel · late at night · 1 comment · ping it

I have no time AND a boring life.

I did get to Macworld though. Big geeky fun! Yay! I was good this year. I only bought one game. Last year was another story.

Oh, this is pure genius! And, I have to say, I do think the iPod mini is a tad pricey. You can spend just fifty more and get a better iPod. Anyway, back to my game.
tagged: blog blogging game ipod mac life macworld

daniel · early evening · say it · ping it