Of Birthdays and Blogging
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what's up?
So today is my mother’s birthday. Aw. My mom! And I am nowhere near her. I sent her flowers tho. They got there early. I figured since they screwed up the last time so bad (the 1-800-Flowers people, I mean) I sent them over to her 2 days early to account for the delivery suckage. I don’t know how much she liked them. I didn’t hear from her for a full day after I got the delivery confirmation in my email. Weird. And even then her note was about so many other things. I dunno. I hate being so far sometimes. I miss my family. It’s the things like birthdays and Mother’s Day that make me feel it more. Don’t get me started on Christmas…
Anyhoo, tonight is pretty low key. Richard is watching the shows he’s missed somehow even tho I saw them. (Isn’t the DVR technology just grand?) I am up here in the office looking at a lot of blogs but not commenting. I need to comment more, I know. I am just in a weird spot right now. I figure if I can get posting on my own blog 3 times a day again it will be time to go play more social again. You see, I was reading this interesting post over at The Blog Herald. And before you can even say it, yes. Yes I am a blogger that reads about blogs and blogging. I find it balances all of my celebrity gossip consumption.
So yeah, it was a post about what to do if you find you are off your blogging path, so to speak. Whatever, I know what people are thinking. It’s a blog. It’s not a job. No one reads it, it’s not even in the ‘top 25’. Right. I realize not everybody thinks like that. I kid. Kinda. But srsly. There were some valid symptoms and these interesting questions presented:
Why am I blogging?
Who am I blogging for?
What am I blogging for?
What is my blog’s purpose?
What is my blog’s mission?
Where was my blog a year ago?
Where is my blog now?
Where will my blog be next year?
Where will my blog be in two years?
Where do I really want it to be?
Do these answers make me happy right now?
I know at first glance it seems silly to contemplate a blog. I took it seriously because I actually take my blog seriously. No, it’s not a serious blog. But dude, I have like 4 years tied up in here. Good times and bad. Good writing and bad. Mostly bad, but it’s still an exercise. It’s a commitment that I have made to myself and for the most part stuck too. I think in the course of this blog I have only missed like 5 or 6 days (maybe 10?) of posting. Total. In four years. That’s awesome! I totally feel like I lived up to the commitment I made in the beginning, before the link whoring, before the snazzy designs, before my self proclaimed internet fame. Heh. But I do think of quitting the blog sometimes. Shocking. I don’t really want to tho. I dunno. I think I need to go old school for a while. Less bitching, possibly less Idol, and much less filtering what I want to say. This may include the ‘what I did today’ posts more often, because that’s where it started. That’s where I got my footing in the beginning, and the core of what I avoid here now. Put on the iPod and just type my life. That’s what I want to get comfy with again before I go on to the next thing. Whatever that might be....
D.Y.M.K. Does Your Mother Know?
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blogging •
family drama
So now that my blog might be outed (thanks hon!) and my mother could very well become a daily reader I figured today was a good a day as any to introduce my new knitting forum. It’s called Yernin’ Fer Yarn.
Okay I kid. My mother does not knit. But she could be joining us here at dp.com very soon. I am officially as blog-outed as I can be without direct links going out in email. What if it happens? What if mom does become a regular reader? Hell. I think I am filtering now… wait till that day comes. Would I block her? Could I? Do I have to? I am not really offensive. I am out of the closet. No surprises there. Sure there are a few things I’d rather not have her (or my father) know about my life, but done is done. What could it hurt? So I have sex. So I lied as a kid. So I partied a bit heavily in my youth. So I almost dated a drug dealer. So I said that my parents splash water when they wash their hands. I really have nothing that I am ashamed of here. I just don’t want yet an other ‘known’ audience member to write for. I cannot picture myself publishing some of the things that I do knowing my MOTHER might read it. Part of me would want to delete my whole online existence. Part of me says SCREW THAT! I have put a lot into this for the last 4 (FOUR!!!) years. What the hell? I could block their IP addresses if they come. But that seems extreme. It’s my family.
I hate that I have to even consider this. OMG. The problems caused by one stupidly created email.
My Panties Are Showing… (A Lunchtime Poll)
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lunchtime poll
Okay they aren’t really. But that is how it always feels when a REAL LIFE friend reads my blog. I mean, I got no secrets. I don’t. It’s ALL out there. Trust. However, I was a different person three years ago. And yes the archives go that far back. Further by now. Do I really want folks prying that deep that I see on a regular basis face to face? Weird, right? Who thinks of these things? But it happens…
You have to understand. My blog started at a time when I had no friends outside of work. Well, I had a few, but you see what I am saying. I had whittled my social circle to a very select few. (Granted, it was on purpose.. but still) I blogged to get my shit out there. I missed the socializing, I was jealous of the folks I saw online with this semi-anonymous outlet of fabulousness. So I got one. Sure over time, and not as much time as you’d think, I had a handful of online friends. It was cool. Safe. I’d never be face to face with these people, right? So I could continue to write about anything. The guy at the gyms BO, or the slut on the BART train, or my boss, even my boyfriend. Anything went! It was all good. But the more time you spend on this amazing place we call the internet, the more entwined with your life it gets. At least in my experience. My blog has given me an amazing gift. Real friends. I have actually met real people through this silly site of mine! Moving is the biggest example tho. Uprooting my whole life to San Diego was not easy. I lived in the same area for most of my life. I was comfortable. When I moved, my online life became more important. These online folks where the only folks I knew! When I got to San Diego and already had a few connections I felt lucky. Heck, I knew Fred before I got here! The blog and me started to become one. Not creepy like, but because it was no longer a separate outlet. It was reality. It was where I lived with my new real-ish and actual friends.
I lately find myself in a new situation. I have been here long enough, and the branches of the first friendships have grown into new friends. But now I am a ‘blogger’. Folks know this about me, due to my roots in this town (total drama phrasing, but how else do I describe it?), they meet me, then my blog. My Richard has a blog now too! We are both online with our life! Thus, my title and issue. My panties are showing. People I know in REAL LIFE are going to my blog and jumping into the dp.com time machine. Reading me. It’s a bit intimate all of a sudden. Does that make sense? I don’t know if I like it. I mean, the front page is fine. I think, looking at my posts lately, that I am filtering. Heck, I may as well send my folks the URL, I am so filtered… Not that that is a good thing. I know. The beauty is the lack of a filter. I get that. That’s why I have the members only content. BUT I now have REAL LIFE folks as members too. And how do you exclude those folks, that can question you during dinner about your latest hidden post??
I don’t know. Where am I going with this? What is my point? If hundreds and thousands of people I never met have access to my insanity, why not 10 folks I actually know and can touch? What is the difference? The folks I know won’t (or had better not!) judge. I am the type of person they keep company with after all. Heh. I guess I just got spoiled with it being a separate place in my life. Now dp.com is pretty close to home.
What do you think? Should I try to separate the blog from life, or go forward from here and embrace the change?
gotta topic?
stressed 
