I get forwarded the weirdest stuff. This one is kinda funny, but I am so not forwarding it to my address book for luck. Heh.

A co-worker got a pen stuck inside our printer. He started to try and remove the pen, but I told him we don’t have time for that now, just put a note on the printer telling folks not to use it and then report it to the Help Desk. So, he grabbed a piece of paper and scrawled on it. I left before he finished the note.

About 20 minutes later, one of my techs comes in laughing and says he was just in the lobby, saw a piece of paper on a printer and went to investigate. Attached is what he found. Sometimes things don’t always come out the way you want them to….....

tagged: funny email picture printer

daniel · lunch time · say it · ping it

What happens when you’re only allowed one drink at the company picnic?

In order to stay in line with the new policy limiting the number of drinks to one beer at official events; I have purchased new cups for the next company picnic.

via Richard.

tagged: richard email drink picnic

daniel · lunch time · say it · ping it

Meet the blogger via Fred.

(Remind me to learn to make a thumbnail image later.)

tagged: blog email blogger comic

daniel · late morning · say it · ping it

MATHEMATICS : What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We

have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.

How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here’s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these

questions:

If:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K

8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

 

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E

11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E

1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T

2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G

1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can then conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work

and knowledge will get you close, and, Attitude will get you there, Bullshit

and Ass kissing will put you over the top.

tagged: email math ass kissing

daniel · early afternoon · say it · ping it

via Richard via Lori.

tagged: richard email fuckitol

daniel · lunch time · 6 comments · ping it

Don’t ya just love a funny email in the morning? It’s a joke called ladies night. It’s a little risque, as it involves a stripper…

Last night, my friends and I went to a Ladies Night Club.  One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a $10 bill.  When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the $10 bill and stuck it to his butt cheek! Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a $20 bill.  She calls the guy back over, licks the $20 bill, and sticks it to his other butt cheek. In another attempt to impress the rest of us, my third friend pulls out a $50 bill and calls the guy over, and licks the bill.  I'm worried about the way things are going, but fortunately she just stuck it to one of his butt cheeks, again. My relief was short lived.  See ing the way things are going, the guy gyrates over to me!  Now everyone's attention is focused on me, and the guy's egging me on to try to top the $50.  My brain was churning as I reached for my wallet. What could I do? Then the woman in me took over! I got out my ATM card, swiped it down the crack of his butt, grabbed the 80 bucks, and went home.

tagged: email stripper ladies night

daniel · terribly early · 6 comments · ping it

Hannah, the family dog, is gone. Apparently her pain was too much. From my father:

Today we did it.  Hannah is no longer with us.  We had a 4pm appointment and we were about ten minutes late.  I held her in my lap on the way to the vets.  We used Adobe Vet in Livermore, by Foster Freeze.  Of course, being Hannah she wouldn’t walk into the office with dignity.  She could always tell when she went to one of those places.
 
Once again they asked if we wanted to be with her at the end.  They asked a bunch of questions.  I couldn’t even focus my vision, never mind talk.  I declined to stay with her.  Like Freckles, I will not be able to forgive myself for that.  I couldn’t figure a way to say good-by to my best friend.
 
She was a great dog and a lot of company.  I will miss her.

Hannah, with her one blue eye…

Freckles was the previous family dog. She also became too ill, except with cancer.

tagged: email death hannah pet

daniel · the wee hours · 8 comments · ping it

So here’s the scenario: You’re out at a bar, riding transit, or even just walking down the street, and some bozo who desperately wants into your pants starts up a conversation with you. Rather than make a scene or make them upset, you’re polite and at least nod at the proper times. Then, of course, they ask you for your number. Except this is 2004, so maybe they ask for your email address instead.

Paper Napkin via Waxy.

tagged: email service bozo rejection

daniel · lunch time · 2 comments · ping it

Hannah is the family dog. The note was from my father.

Sorry to have to tell you that the end is close for Hannah.  Most of the muscle in her rear end is gone due to her arthritis.  The worst of it is her kidneys have started to shut down.  The vet says there is not much he can do for her.  Dialysis is an option, but it would have to be almost continuous.  She doesn’t move much and she has started to cough a strange cough.  She will continue to decline rapidly until she dies.  I get sad to think about life without her, but I don’t want her so suffer.  We will put her down when she gets real bad.  I will drag it out as long as I think she is not in constant pain.
 
I thought you would like to know.

tagged: email death hannah pet

daniel · mid-morning · 7 comments · ping it