They say silence is golden. I agree.

However, the only way for me to get silence in my head is to complete tasks. That is one thing about my mild OCD that no one gets. Until I complete certain things I can’t really relax. Let’s say there is a list in my head of things to do each day. If I miss something it moves to the next days list. I can hear the list in my head all day. For example I know that on Thursdays I change the bed. I have to change the bed on Thursdays. That’s just how it is. If I can’t, for whatever reason, that task adds to another day’s list and that day’s list gets louder in my head because there is too much on it. Does that make any sense? It’s a bit more literal than the *actual* chatterings of my OCD brain as I see it, but pretty accurate as far as explanation. The only difference is a lot of what I feel compelled to do is autopilot. I automatically sweep kitty litter and vacuum the stairs everyday when I get home. I swiffer furniture on certain days, ect… I don’t have to normally tie it to a day. Whatever. The list scenario works. Now that you know I’m a nut-job, here’s the point…

It was expressed to me that the last time Richard’s mother visited she felt she couldn’t touch anything when I am around. I may be miss quoting or making stuff up (as I am oft accused) but that was my impression. So I have been making a CONSCIOUS effort to be less… cleaning up after anyone moves. It is making me crazy! My brain is SCREAMING at me every second I am home about STUFF I NEED TO DO!! I am miserable in my own house. I don’t want to look at it, sit in it, be in it UNTIL I FEEL CAUGHT UP!!

But I can’t get caught up without time alone. And yes I know in my head that Richard is doing his best to keep things as we like them. I do. And I appreciate it more than I have told him.

BUT HE FORGETS MY TOUCH OF THE CRAZY!

It’s only a week (and a day, grr!) We will all survive the Mother In Law visit. Hopefully our relationship will too. But I am taking some mental health hits over here… I need to wash the floor, wash every towel, vacuum all surfaces, and bleach things. Sorry.

tagged: ocd sick guests happiness silence time alone visitors

It was very early Monday morning. One or so when Richard woke me up. I had gone to bed as I had an early start at work… He was sobbing, and told me he was going to take Chanel to the vet. He said he had to take him, even though he thought it was too late, or something like that. He was difficult to understand as he rushed out of the room. I called work and left a voicemail that I’d probably be late or missing that day and tried to go back to sleep. I woke again at 6:30 and found Richard sleeping on the couch. He was a mess and clearly hadn’t slept at all. I tried to call work again to confirm that I would not be in. There was no answer. Oh well. I had already left a message. I got Richard to come up to bed and stayed there with him as he sobbed for a while. I had no idea at this point whether the cat had made it or not. After a while Richard slept a bit. But not for long. He was up again at 8. He was checking on Chanel, who was very sick but more stable. There were expensive tests to be done to figure out what was wrong. Each one was a major decision. He cried. A lot.

tagged: cat sick pets death chanel loved companion

She sends the craziest things sometimes! Hung-over pumpkins? Really?

tagged: funny sick halloween pumpkins hung-over

Our cat, Chanel, has been pretty sick. I am worried about the poor guy. He just doesn’t seem to be getting better.

It started just over a week ago. He was throwing up. Not entirely unusual, as he has had a lot of problems over the years. We don’t get too alarmed at a little cat barf. It’s par for the course. We assumed he had overeaten or something. But it kept going. He wasn’t keeping down any food at all. He stopped asking for food. So, Richard decided it was time for a trip to the doctor. We couldn’t just have a barfing cat the entire time my folks were here… Tests were done, hydration injections were administered. The bill added up. We were sent home. Diagnosis so far: Feline Pancreatitis. We were to not feed him for a few days, just give him medications. We tried. Most of the time he couldn’t keep those down. We just started giving him the tiniest amount of food. Tuna actually, since it is “easy to digest”. He had trouble with that. Sadly anything that finally stays down causes problems on the other end. Severe diarrhea. Ew, right?

The poor guy has no energy. No motivation. He’s losing weight. He doesn’t even *want* food! Worse, I have only seen him drink water twice in the last 4 days. It’s scary and sad.

Mostly sad.

tagged: richard cat sick home chanel

Can it be? I’m not coughing? My head… it’s not hot? I don’t feel achey? Whaat?

Okay yesterday I felt better (at least at the start). Today I’d venture that I feel.. good! Still not 100%, you won’t find me at the gym or anything, but I do feel good today. Wow. Hopefully it’ll last this time…

Does this mean I have to not only go to work, but also stay there? Ugh. For my whole shift? Double ugh! Oh well, better than lying on the couch waiting to die. Right?

tagged: work sick flu better couch

Blog neglect is like one of the main symptoms of the flu. Did you know that?

I have been so sick! I haven’t been this ill since the start of the year. I literally thought I was going to DIE. (Have I mentioned I am am bit of a baby when I don’t feel well?) Anyhoo, I am at least up and around today. Barely. I am still hacking and wheezing and sweaty. Ugh. At least I don’t have a temperature anymore. That was the worst, when your body tries to cook itself from inside out, I hate that the most…

Oh well, back to reality. I do have to work today. I won’t be *doing* actual work. I don’t want to get the associates sick… But I will be there.

tagged: work blog sick reality cold body ill fever flu

I totally left work early today. No I didn’t sneak out, but I did leave early. A lot early. Normal people can enjoy doing that. Apparently I can’t. I knew I used to feel guilt if I left early, even if I was actually sick but I thought I might have changed. I haven’t. So when I got home and tried to take a nap (people are always talking about great naps) I of course couldn’t sleep. I have that guilty pit in my stomach. It’s really ridiculous. I should NOT feel bad. I never miss work! I have never called in sick! Ever! I am late probably more than I should be, but I stay late too… I could go on and on trying to justify this. I could. It’s the chatter in my head right now. I think I am going to let the logical side win and try to enjoy the afternoon. It’s a beautiful day. It’s so nice to be home. It’s so quiet right now. I love that, when the house is silent and the only noise is that of birds singing outside.

Now see what I did up there in that last paragraph? I went from raving-OCD-guilt-work issues right to a Mary Poppins-bird-singing thing. I love how crazy I am . Nutty as a loon, I tell you! [imagine cuckoo clock sounds now]

tagged: work day sick home early nap guilt

Rested all day? Check. Snacks packed? Check. Extra water bottles? Check. Large Red Bull? Check.

What am I getting ready for? A late night hike? No! work. Today I am on an overnight shift. 8 till five AM. How nice does that sound? Hopefully it’ll be fun. Hopefully I won’t be feeling sick. My cough is lingering. That scares me. I am always the one prone to bronchitis. *crosses fingers* I am sure I’ll be fine. I just need to try to take it easy… On an overnight shift. Missing sleep. Crazy.

Anyhoo. Gotta go. I want to be a bit early…

tagged: work sick night late crazy overnight shift

I always hate going back to work after a few days off. This time, after having been feverish and medicated for most days, is a bit harder. First of all, I feel like I have been gone for a month. Secondly, I keep questioning if I am ‘well’ enough. See how the mind works? If I am still sick I can stay home.

I am not sick enough to stay home. *sigh*

tagged: work sick time home reality

New Year’s Eve was pretty low key for us. I was still pretty out of it with this cold/flu thing I got going on, but better. So we planned on the usual festivities. Chinese food and champagne. While Richard was out getting the food (It turned out to be soooo good! China Max!) I called my mom. Somehow it helps to talk to mom if I am not feeling well. I know, I am a baby when I am sick. But I have been housebound for like 3 days with this! Anyhoo, Richard finally got back and I was starving! Finally ready for some solid food! So we pigged out and watched movies. I had rented (do you call it renting when you don’t leave the house?) 1408 and Transformers. I enjoyed both, but I have to admit Transformers was mostly cool for the effects. Then it was time for the Ryan and Dick ball dropping. As soon as 2008 rolled in my bubbly and cold meds combo had put me to bed. Fancy night, eh? But it was cool to wake up to 2 New Years greetings from Canada in my voicemail. I love that my social circle is on an international level.

So I really wanted to write one of those deep, joy and pain New Year posts. But I can’t. 2007 has just been pretty solid. I have maintained my relationship with my amazing man. We still live in the same place, that we love. We have the same jobs. We have some terrific friends that have become like family, and gained some new friends along the way. All in all it has been a great year. I head into 2008 feeling very hopeful and happy. Happy New Year, and may 2008 bring you something great!

tagged: richard sick mom movies canada bed champagne 2007 bubbly