remember me
★
03/12/04
What Happens When I Get Bored on a Friday Night
Kira: Have you ever heard the expression, "kissed by a muse?" Well, that's what I am. I'm a muse.
Sonny: Well, I'm glad someone's having a good time.
Kira: Oh, don't make jokes, I'm serious.
I just watched one of my favorite movies. I won't say how it is that I happen to own this on
DVD. Just know that I love it. I have loved it since I was a small child.
Xanadu. I swear I've seen it a hundred times. I think I've caught it on TV at least ten times over the years before I owned it!
As a child I had the soundtrack. The big double album with movie pictures. I listened to it whenever I could. I know I drove my family crazy. There was one song I would listen to repeatedly.
Suspended In Time. I thought it was sooo beautiful. I still do. I actually know
all the songs by heart to this day! (yes, I sing along to the movie,
I'm such a nerd.)
Xanadu also had Olivia. She was truly a muse to me. I would draw her and draw her till I got her arms just right, as she stood on that glowing platform reaching up to the heavens on the back of the album. The eyes were always the hardest. How to you capture her glow? (Especially with all the neon?)
Okay. I guess I've babbled enough about it. *walks away, embarrassed*
★
02/28/04
Sorry, I am not a winner!
I was just informed by my
cereal box that "Sorry! You are not a winner." How rude! I didn't even know there was a contest. I guess that's what I get for buying a kids' cereal.
As a child, cereal was one of my favorite foods. It was also a great source of entertainment. I remember pouring over ever detail of a
good cereal box. I knew about the contests then! There were always games, fun facts, free stuff inside. Actually the free stuff always drove my mother crazy. My brother and I would always have to get at it right away. We'd turn the box sideways, spread it as wide as possible, and try to snaaake our hands to the bottom. We always made a mess. It was worth it for that little chunk of plastic we'd forget in five minutes!
Now I have no time to read my box. Heck, some mornings I don't think I even open my eyes. But I do still like the kids' cereal, even though it can be a little bit startling when Donald Duck crashes loudly into your bowl at
five in the
morning...
★
02/25/04
I Look Good
I love a fresh hair cut.
I look good today. I almost wish it was Picture Day! Like they have at the schools. Picture Day was so fun as a child. A few days before, the school would pin the announcement and order forms to our shirts. (My teacher pinned notes to us where we couldn't reach them to ensure they actually got home with us...) On the actual day the whole school would line up outside the gym. It was so exciting. On your turn you'd be posed up against that fake outdoors background and told to smile. Class wouldn't begin till everyone was done!
I remember one year, I had to be in the third or fourth grade, I was so sick on picture day. It was terribly upsetting to my small brain. My mother had bought me the coolest outfit for the occasion. It was a black and beige mock neck sweater and bell bottom jeans. I thought of those jeans as "big kid pants". (It was the seventies, but the
late seventies, I'm not that old!) I remember my biggest concern abut staying home was that I wouldn't get to wear that new outfit. She let me. So there I was on the couch, with a fever and a throw-up bucket, looking all fancy.
Boy, I was kinda gay as a kid...
★
02/20/04
Reminisce at Dinner
There is nothing to eat in my whole house. Well, okay, there are some things. I should say there is nothing that doesn't require
cooking preparing in my house. I was home alone and I wanted some thing easy, and had to resort to
hot dogs. Actually, they were great! I was in the mood for some good twister food. I always have my hot dogs with cheese,
ketchup, and that really crazy bright yellow
mustard. (That yellow cannot come from nature!) I also had them with a bottle of wine that may have been
a little to fancy to open... That always makes food yummier!
So you'd think I'd be happy with my quick little meal, and splash of wine. Not so much. Tonight my dinner reminded my of the most disgusting food ever. The taste still lingers twenty some odd years later. So many children at the time were fed this awful, foul, nightmare in a can...
I know some may have been fooled into believing that this was a childhood favorite, but taste it again!
Blech! All I know for sure was that I was very young, and it was Halloween. We were having a quick dinner, so that we could hurry out and, well, you know,
get some candy! My cousin was joining us that year. I think I was dressed as either a robot or a vampire. I usually was a vampire. All the blood sucking fascinated me. Anyway, we made it about a half a block, when my stomach cramped. I hurled like never before! I thought my gut was ripping apart. The worst part was that it was clearly visible, in the mess, what had upset my normally cast iron digestive system.
Beanie Weenie! Damn! It ruined Halloween!
Isn't it funny what triggers these memories?
★
02/07/04
The Non Mainstream Gay Blog Tour
Tonight I had the opportunity to explore some gay weblogs that I hadn’t visited before. Obviously not anyone on my blogroll, I enjoy, and recommend those folks! These I had dug out of blogrolls of others’ blogrolls, of other… well you get the idea. I have to say some were very depressing. A lot of stories of random drunken sex, sex in odd places, drugs… It is always a little jarring to read such accounts when your own life could have taken such a different turn. I was once in with a “bad crowd”, doing the drugs and hanging with dealers. It was all about the VIP room at the clubs, looking fantastic, drinking, and well, doing more drugs. I really don’t want to talk about my lowest moments here. I was just very lucky that my living situation blew up before I got into real trouble. My parents took me back in without ever really knowing what happened, and I moved on from that life. Luckily still healthy, and smarter. I guess years later to read what could have been is, well, a downer…
I don’t judge those people for doing what they do. It is all up to them how they live. I’m happy that I figured out that type of life wasn’t for me.
★
01/16/04
Fag Hag?
Looking at this article (via Queerday) has made me remember friends that I have had in my life. I do not have many friends right now. In fact, I barely see my best friend at all. When I really think about friends missing from my life, I find I miss my girl friends. Alot.
I’ll summarize as best as possible…
In the junior high my best friend was Julia. She was obsessed with Julian Lennon and INXS. We were constantly together, and our parents my parents wished we were a couple (well to the extent that proper jr. high kids were). She eventually annoyed me, and we lost touch.
In the beginning of high school I was with Julie (clearly I didn’t want to learn a new name). She and I got on so well. She introduced me to Nintendo and heavy metal. We were also quite into the
Ouija Board, which, oddly enough always predicted we would get married. Ummm, no. So sadly, we too lost touch. Actually the last time I heard from her, I hung up on her rather that explain that I was gay. I regretted that till I saw that she never really grew out of that “metal” hatred for
everything. You know what I mean.
Overlapping Julie I met Angela. I knew I wanted to meet Angela. She had that
vibe. I finally met her in German class (yes I took German, and I know, so don’t tell me. I should have taken Spanish. That occurred to me in Mexico, as well as every day here in CA) Anyway she was amazing. We got along so well. I think because she had me figured out. Literally. OUT. She also introduced me to crystal-meth. That is another story. It was actually her marriage that tore us apart.
Laura was probably the most important girl in my life. We met, hmm, I think senior year. She knew me because I let her, not because she “figured” it out. We were inseparable. We
worked together. Hung out together.
Shopped constantly. We always loved to go to fancy restaurants, all dressed up cute. We talked about guys. She even helped me meet guys. We loved the same
movies. We almost kissed once though. We also talked about a threesome with her at the time boyfriend, who was bi. So yeah, we had issues. Would anything ever have happened? I doubt it. I think our relationship was so close and unique that we didn’t know how to express it. When she got married and had a kid it was just me who lost touch. I had started a relationship. And she wasn’t mine any more. I never was good with sharing.
Of course there’s been more women in my life.. Lynne, Andrea, and Riva all deserve mention. Fag Hag just doesn’t seem the right title.
I could use a close friend like that again.
