I took a PTO Friday. I was having trouble being at work. You know, knowing what I know and all… Plus with my personal life in shreds I figured I needed the time to myself. It didn’t help. To be honest everyday that passes I feel worse.
Friday I did some job hunt stuff, took in the computer to be (hopefully) fixed, and took myself out for a cocktail. I miss behaved a little by smoking cigarettes. Also entertained half the bar with my carrying on. I was home at a healthy early hour. Ha! A friend told me I needed rebound sex. Talk about overheard!
Anyhoo, Saturday I had plans with my San Diego family friend. That was good. After hours of talking, crying, and a lunch I barely ate I made it home and slept for a few hours. I was supposed to make chili. I didn’t. Sunday reared it’s ugly head about 4AM but I had no motivation. I stayed in bed most of the day. At around one I finally forced (read FORCED) myself out of bed. It took my whole being, but I did it. I ate a protein bar I didn’t want, gave myself a haircut, got cute and went to see @goosterSD. I was not good company, I know. I am proud I went though. I need to form social habits as soon as possible. It would be so easy for me to become reclusive. Did I use that word right? Also I need my friends. More than ever before.
defeated
Everything is going to be ok, darlin’. xo