Since moving to San Diego Richard and I have been very lucky to have become part of a circle of friends. We all hang out, separately or all together all the time. We always have fun. Whether it’s our weekly SYTYCD parties, movie nights, BBQ’s, or going out to Hillcrest or Downtown and “painting the town”. I consider these people my San Diego family! But lately we have been noticing that we are a bit of a clique. There aren’t really any new faces (well, since Richard and I). No fresh blood. We just aren’t meeting any new people and that makes it tough for the single kids in the group. Not that we want to be matchmakers. Good gawd no! But when you hang out with new people you meet their people… Maybe one of their people might know another single guy and through just getting together our single kids will be exposed to more quality singles? Cause let’s face it, when you hang out at bars every week to meet people you are going to meet people that like hanging out in bars. And aside from all of that, we are a group that likes to entertain. It’s more fun with more people! Right? We decided that Sheila’s BBQ was our big event. We were all to bring new people.

So for me, I am not surprised by any of this. I have been trying to meet people with interests like mine lately, going to the SD Tweet-ups and Blogger Meet-ups, and actually going out and meeting the people I have been talking to on my various online social networks. My goal has been to get some friends who understand what the hell I am talking about with my SEO, CMS, tweets, plurks, and whatnots. People who understand why I constantly check my phone! In the meantime I have met a fair amount of people that I see or talk to regularly enough. So for this past BBQ I was pretty confident that I could get some new folks to come around. As it turned out, not so much. I do understand tho. One I asked at the last minute, and the others, well I mean given the choice I think I’d pick existing friends over newbies… I guess.

My other friends tried different approaches. One tried picking out someone that looked like they’d fit in with us at Mo’s and just walking up and chatting with him for a bit, followed up with the big invite. The guy actually seemed cool about it after the initial “we aren’t hitting on you” stuff was out of the way. He actually agreed to come by, and we got his number. In the end he flaked. Sheila invited her local barista that she chats with at her coffee place all the time. A good idea, I thought! He was a no show as well. So out of 6 new people invited 100% declined or flaked at the last minute.

I guess my point is this. I understand how to meet people. At least online. (Richard and I aren’t single. In the gay world I find making new friends in real life so awkward… People are out looking for dates, not friends usually.) Besides, I think I have a number of great resources right now that are more reliable than just picking someone out of the crowds. I have met people. How do I get them from the acquaintance stage to the friend stage? How do we as an established group assimilate new folk? I can tell you it was a long time before I felt comfortable with everyone… How do we make that easier? 

tagged: richard gay online sytycd people bbq friends family meeting networking

daniel · late morning · 6 comments · ping it