You guys. I have recently been struggling with my work in regards to my relocatable-ness. To be promoted Richard and I (since we work for the same company) have to be relocate-able for 250 miles. 250 MILES PEOPLE. So if I own my home I’ll have one hell of a commute. Should I want to move up, that is. This policy has been up my ass for ever but not a threat. Until lately. My Richard is highly promotable. (Yes, I’m not. Shut up) So we have had to really think about our future and where we want to end up. 250 miles is one thing, at first. But the possibility of leaving San Diego forever is not okay with us. We aren’t SD natives, in fact it was Richard’s career that brought us here! We have not only made friends since living here, we have made family. We love these people, and moving away just isn’t an option right now. When we got here we knew almost no one. After five(?) years we have people that have replaced our family far away. We have holidays together. BBQ’s. Football (not that I get it). I cannot imagine being without them.
Tonight we celebrated Richard’s birthday. My FAMILY was out in force. I love you all so much. Thank you everyone who took the time to come out and share the day with us. Richard’s mother was there and she enjoyed meeting our San Diego friends and family.
I hope to maintain this family and live here for a while longer.
They say silence is golden. I agree.
However, the only way for me to get silence in my head is to complete tasks. That is one thing about my mild OCD that no one gets. Until I complete certain things I can’t really relax. Let’s say there is a list in my head of things to do each day. If I miss something it moves to the next days list. I can hear the list in my head all day. For example I know that on Thursdays I change the bed. I have to change the bed on Thursdays. That’s just how it is. If I can’t, for whatever reason, that task adds to another day’s list and that day’s list gets louder in my head because there is too much on it. Does that make any sense? It’s a bit more literal than the *actual* chatterings of my OCD brain as I see it, but pretty accurate as far as explanation. The only difference is a lot of what I feel compelled to do is autopilot. I automatically sweep kitty litter and vacuum the stairs everyday when I get home. I swiffer furniture on certain days, ect… I don’t have to normally tie it to a day. Whatever. The list scenario works. Now that you know I’m a nut-job, here’s the point…
It was expressed to me that the last time Richard’s mother visited she felt she couldn’t touch anything when I am around. I may be miss quoting or making stuff up (as I am oft accused) but that was my impression. So I have been making a CONSCIOUS effort to be less… cleaning up after anyone moves. It is making me crazy! My brain is SCREAMING at me every second I am home about STUFF I NEED TO DO!! I am miserable in my own house. I don’t want to look at it, sit in it, be in it UNTIL I FEEL CAUGHT UP!!
But I can’t get caught up without time alone. And yes I know in my head that Richard is doing his best to keep things as we like them. I do. And I appreciate it more than I have told him.
BUT HE FORGETS MY TOUCH OF THE CRAZY!
It’s only a week (and a day, grr!) We will all survive the Mother In Law visit. Hopefully our relationship will too. But I am taking some mental health hits over here… I need to wash the floor, wash every towel, vacuum all surfaces, and bleach things. Sorry.
My family made a decision when we were growing up to move west. You see, my father had to go where there was work (he was an electrician) and the extended family back in the home town were too much drama. Now I don’t know how true that was, but that’s what my parents told us. When my brother and I were still quite young we’d travel back to Massachusetts once a year or so and visit. Both sets of grandparents, my mother’s sister, my father’s sisters and brother, and all the cousins. We did that for years while in between the odd set of grandparents would visit us. As we got older and things got more expensive we traveled much less. The grandparents still visited, and my mother’s sister and her daughter, and we’d see my father’s brother’s family as they were not as far. All those other relatives just became people that only sent a holiday card. Never once did they visit, so we never went back. My parents would go out to handle emergencies, and eventually my mother’s mom and sister moved to Florida. My father’s parents have since passed, and my brother went with my father to some of the arrangements. I was already out on my own trying to make my way…
I guess the point is that there are all these relatives that are strangers to me. A lot too. My father had 3 sisters and 2 brothers (I think, to be honest I forget the total since some have died). At least 3 of those had families that I haven’t seen since I was like 14. It’s weird to think about somehow. All these people that I knew existed but were really not part of our lives. It felt normal though. Huh. So anyways, when my brother chose to move to Boston he did so knowing that he’d be near that portion of the family, actively choosing to reconnect. He is at some family member’s home for dinner every weekend. He is invited to every event, BBQ, potluck, and all that stuff. He even juggles the drama of which part of the family isn’t speaking to whom! LOL, right?
So sometime in December I got this email with the subject of “hello”. It was from my father’s sister (the one that we always knew was a lesbian, even tho she never said. She has *always* lived with the same woman):
Is this nephew Danny in California?
I deleted it. It scared me! What could she want and HOW did she find me? Thank gawd she had used my *personal email* account, or I would have died. I soon forgot about it, until a week or so ago when I got another one, from the same aunt forwarding the last note, but with this added:
I’m trying this again.
OMFG! Now it was like she had verified the address and resent and was calling me out. I HAD to reply. Ugh. So I thought about it and settled with this:
Hello! Sorry I didn’t reply to the last note… I must have missed it. December is crazy for me! Anyway, yup, that’s the right email! 
Lame, I know. But I have met this woman like maybe 6 times when I was a kid, so what more could she expect? Anyhoo, here’s the reply:
Well Danny,
I have tried many searches to find you, and finally your email showed up on a forward from your father.
I’m glad to be in touch with you.
I have heard that you and Richard have been a couple for a long time now. Congratulations to both of you. Did you get married?
[insert “roomate’s” name] and I got married when it first became legal here. We are both retired now and loving it.
We were really mad about the prop 8 vote.
It is interesting to me that Prop 8 vote has done so much to promote marriage rights, even though the vote was against it.
I have heard that you are busy in retail work and living in San Diego. Is that right?
You were in high school the last time we saw you—just a kid.
Bee well,
[insert aunt’s name]
About the “Bee well”, well after raising goats for many years they are now raising bees. So now what? Do I reply? Is this my new “pen pal”? I really think it’s sweet that she contacted me, if a bit creepy. I mean, where was she all these years? If she had known, like I think she did, that I would turn out gay I would think she’d have tried to have “been there” for me years ago. She didn’t. And what were the “many searches”? she tried? I was for two weeks a few years back the number one result on Google for “Daniel” so she can’t have tried hard. Oh, she also could have asked her brother, my father. But that would have required speaking to him. I may have lost track with the drama, but I do know that my father isn’t popular with all the separate camps that make up his remaining family.
Wow, This has become an essay! Let me know what you think. Reply or not, and if so… HOW??
