Sorry folks, gotta get more private.

daniel · early evening · 1 comment ·

1. Denial and Isolation.
At first, we tend to deny the loss has taken place, and may withdraw from our usual social contacts. This stage may last a few moments, or longer.

2. Anger. The grieving person may then be furious at the person who inflicted the hurt (even if she’s dead), or at the world, for letting it happen. He may be angry with himself for letting the event take place, even if, realistically, nothing could have stopped it.

3. Bargaining. Now the grieving person may make bargains with God, asking, “If I do this, will you take away the loss?”

4. Depression. The person feels numb, although anger and sadness may remain underneath.

5. Acceptance. This is when the anger, sadness and mourning have tapered off. The person simply accepts the reality of the loss.

I wonder at where I am at. I wonder how long it will take…


  dread

daniel · mid-morning · say it ·

(Yes, this is what you think. A potty post.)

So I am at work the other day and I get the signal from my, well… I realize I need to make a pit-stop. I hate going that particular number at work, it’s just not private enough. My digestion doesn’t always agree however, so off I went. I get to my destination and start my routine. Yes I have a routine. OCD remember? So I tear off the first part of the paper and use it to adjust the seating. Then I pre-flush (I prefer a fresh bowl). Next, the seat cover and I was in business…

Yada yada yada and I was ready for the finale! I reach for the paper. I couldn’t find the ‘end’ so I spun the roll. Hmm. I spun a few more times. I switched directions. I was starting to panic. I couldn’t find the END! So I tried to tear into the side of the roll, but no luck! It was that cheap stuff that is practically solid when rolled tight…  I worked at it tho… I was starting to sweat. I felt flush. There is no neighbor to “spare a square”. Finally my efforts to tear into the roll worked. I was able to get a half strip started. I could work with that! After much careful tearing I was finally able to complete the final step on my journey and go on with my day.

Ughs. Sometimes the simple things can really go wrong.

tagged: work toilet toilet paper tp restroom potty post

daniel · early evening · say it · ping it

SO Easter this year was an ... .... Adventure. You see our San Diego Family that we normally do holidays with was out of town, and everyone else kinda has family here. So what to do? An expensive Easter Brunch at the last minute was kinda out. So. Urban Mo’s. Why not, they do a good brunch. A plan was made.

Sunday tho, I waaay over slept so that killed Brunch. It was more like Easter Lunch. SO we get there and it is PACKED. Everyone was obviously having a blast. Also everyone had on those satinLady Gaga/Madonna-ish ears In an array of pastel colors (including black and I think red). OMG I had to have some!!! THEY WERE OUT!! Foiled. We got our table, I had to pee, and by the time I returned Richard had got us each a pair!

So there we all were. The whole place packed. Eating. Drinking. Mingling. Ears on almost every head. They were blasting 80’s music. We were seated and chatting to the nearby people standing. Then I felt it. My chair moved. I looked around. Nothing changed. But my chair was still moving… I looked at Richard, his face registered what was happening. Then finally people noticed. The screaming, shouting, and texting…. (haha not just me). It went on forever. I think officially was only 40 seconds but it seemed like forever. And looking around at the festive setting, with everyone in these oddly opposite-Easter ears while the earth violently shook was absolutely surreal…. I wish I had had the sense to video it. Hello iPhone much? LOL
After a time it finally stopped and we all cheered like at a sporting event, only with more heart. Hugged each other, high fived, took group photos for the bar… Reports were that it was 6.9 The music came to the forefront again and we were all left with the bond of having lived thru such an event. After another round of drinks Richard and I remembered that we had animals and a house to check on and left. By the time we arrived home the quake was upgraded to a 7.2

Anyway. The day degenerated from there as far as I was concerned as we went back out and I got a bit messy. Gross. I spent Monday hung-over. Grosser. As amazing as the quake was I would have preferred to be with my San Diego Family. They were much missed.

How was your Easter?

tagged: san diego 7.2 earthquake 2010 quake easter 2010

daniel · evening · 1 comment · ping it

They say silence is golden. I agree.

However, the only way for me to get silence in my head is to complete tasks. That is one thing about my mild OCD that no one gets. Until I complete certain things I can’t really relax. Let’s say there is a list in my head of things to do each day. If I miss something it moves to the next days list. I can hear the list in my head all day. For example I know that on Thursdays I change the bed. I have to change the bed on Thursdays. That’s just how it is. If I can’t, for whatever reason, that task adds to another day’s list and that day’s list gets louder in my head because there is too much on it. Does that make any sense? It’s a bit more literal than the *actual* chatterings of my OCD brain as I see it, but pretty accurate as far as explanation. The only difference is a lot of what I feel compelled to do is autopilot. I automatically sweep kitty litter and vacuum the stairs everyday when I get home. I swiffer furniture on certain days, ect… I don’t have to normally tie it to a day. Whatever. The list scenario works. Now that you know I’m a nut-job, here’s the point…

It was expressed to me that the last time Richard’s mother visited she felt she couldn’t touch anything when I am around. I may be miss quoting or making stuff up (as I am oft accused) but that was my impression. So I have been making a CONSCIOUS effort to be less… cleaning up after anyone moves. It is making me crazy! My brain is SCREAMING at me every second I am home about STUFF I NEED TO DO!! I am miserable in my own house. I don’t want to look at it, sit in it, be in it UNTIL I FEEL CAUGHT UP!!

But I can’t get caught up without time alone. And yes I know in my head that Richard is doing his best to keep things as we like them. I do. And I appreciate it more than I have told him.

BUT HE FORGETS MY TOUCH OF THE CRAZY!

It’s only a week (and a day, grr!) We will all survive the Mother In Law visit. Hopefully our relationship will too. But I am taking some mental health hits over here… I need to wash the floor, wash every towel, vacuum all surfaces, and bleach things. Sorry.

tagged: ocd sick guests happiness silence time alone visitors

daniel · the wee hours · say it · ping it

I vacuumed the tree mess, ejected all holiday from the house, dusted, wiped, scrubbed, and polished. I vacuumed the entire house three times and swfffered the wood floor countless more times. This place should be *spotless*.

I am still finding glitter. @#%$!!! I hate, hate, HATE glitter!! I am spotting tiny damn sparkles as I walk around the house. I try to pick it up every time I spy a piece. It’s driving me mad. I hate the glitter ornaments! I always swear that I won’t use them but every year I put them on the tree… Not to mention the awful glitter holiday cards. I had to open my mother’s card over the trash can there was so much glitter! And hers wasn’t the only one… (no offense to glitter card-senders but really? so much glitter?) There was so much glitter in this house, and I cleaned all through the month…

The war is on. I will now have to vacuum and swiffer every day.

tagged: holiday ocd glitter mess cards vacuum sparkle clean-up

daniel · late afternoon · 3 comments · ping it