Actually, I fear this will always be true:

You know, Christmas doesn’t just happen. You have to force it.

(from 2006)

tagged: holiday making the yuletide gay 2008 snarky

daniel · lunch time · say it · ping it

So you know what I miss? Chocolate milk. I used to looove some chocolate milk. We used the Nestle Quick. Remember when you first started to make your own? One spoonful would miss the glass? Then as you got older and “wiser” you added an extra spoonful of the chocolate powder, but then it never dissolved right and was this sweet drink with clumps of that dry powder? My mom would bitch at me when I did that… Sometimes my brother and I would compete and see how much we could dissolve in one glass. I always won. He actually preferred the strawberry flavor for his milk. Sometimes I would actually just put a spoonful linto my mouth and eat it. I was weird, because I did that little spoonful trick as a teenager.

Anyway, so yesterday Richard stumbled upon a container of Quick in the cupboard. He asked when I was ever gonna use it. Tonight seemed like a good time. I made us each a tall glass. I followed the instructions and used 2 tablespoons, but then I smiled to myself and gave each glass an extra spoonful. Heh. For old times sake.

What’s your food memory? Do you have one, or am I weird? 

tagged: richard mom brother drink milk chocolate nestle quick

daniel · late evening · 4 comments · ping it

I posted this quote last year, but it still holds true.

You know, Christmas doesn’t just happen. You have to force it.

tagged: christmas making the yuletide gay you quote flash back

daniel · the wee hours · 1 comment · ping it

Do you ever have those nights that you cannot sleep? Tonight is one of those. I even got all busy with my man but still, rest will not come. Heh. All busy.

Anyway, I was thinking it may have been one of those old ephedrine tablets I found and took earlier. Once a druggie, always a druggie. Taking old pills in the medicine cabinet. Who knows what those could have turned into? Ephedrine was deemed dangerous! I loved it though, and owe like three years of physical perfection to those little tablets of energy… Can you get those in Mexico still? Stop. I need to stop. But really, can you? I wonder, I practically live on the border… I should look into that. They did make me super thin.

So anyhoo,

I was thinking about one night in particular tonight. I was laying in bed unable to sleep and put the iPod on some old favorite tracks. Old as in back to my troubled years. And by trouble I do mean drug years. I was the VIP room princess remember? So as I listened to some classic Siouxsie and the Banshees (Fear, of course) I was remembering this one night that me and my roommates, and two close friends were all, erm.. awake and stuff. We were driving around downtown San Francisco (Union Square to be exact) after the clubs had closed down. There was this muscle guy that tagged along. He wanted me. Heheh. But he also wanted to be hurt. Like bit and hit. We were in the back seat. I was kinda turned on, but mostly grossed out. I pinched his nipples once or twice but it was just not what he needed. One of our friends with us however was glad to oblige (ew, i would have NEVER...) and we dropped the two of them off at the next light. When I have these weird piece-y memories I am shocked at some of the things I lived and witnessed. I am lucky I was such a prude. I was the biggest slut in town that never actually put out. Of course at that time I’d have rather stayed up for seven days than have sex. I figure that the addiction kept me safe from disease.

Why do I drag up the old times? Still to this day I am fascinated to have lived through it I guess. I’ll take the odd out of place memories over what could have been any day. And as for causing pain, well I can do as directed without cringing now..

Hmm. Well that story didn’t take long to tell. Do I have another? Let’s see.

Oh yeah, there was this other time that I was still hanging out with the drug dealer. He was hawt. But he would never fool around with me because he ‘liked me too much’ and wanted me to not have his problems. I think he may have been HIV positive now that I look back. He had no issues with giving me free drugs though. Oh, and teasing me by wandering around his apartment in a towel. He lived in the really bad part of San Francisco. The not so nice end of Polk Street. We had quite a few adventures, aside from when I was stalking him and trying to kiss him in clubs. Once we got to know each other it was different. I went to his place a number of times. Once we were locked out and had to go up on the roof of the building. Heh. Nothing happened tho. He once gave me a photo of him and his mom. That was nice. One night we drove out to Santa Cruz. Well he drove my car. I was along for the ride. We got there in twenty minutes because he never dipped below 100 mph. Heh. That was fun. I had to work the next day though so he drove even faster on the way back to SF. Good times.

Insomnia will drive me crazy.

I think it is amazing how many stories I have. There are good times, bad times, drugs, family, boyfriends, girlfriends (not in that way, but important folks in my life). I would give so much to get back in touch with some of those people. Especially two. Steve and Laura. Mostly Laura. Her and I had sooo many years together, She was my best friend. She even pretended to be my girlfriend during that awful ‘coming out’ time. My parents were catching on before I was ready, you see. She was there to hold my hand and junk to put them off the scent for a few months. Gawd was she hawt too. We remained really close until she got married and had kids. Richard and I were a new couple and I was career focused. We were in a whole different place. I let her drift away. I regret that more than anything. I wish I knew how to find her. I have this tendency to throw people away. It is not good.

Sure I have other close friends. Patrick has been loyal to me even since I have come to San Diego. I don’t keep in touch, but he is there for me. I am thankful for that. I need to try harder to maintain that friendship.

Gosh, I’ll type anything when I can’t sleep. But you know. I would blog the opening of an envelope.

tagged: richard drugs insomnia san francisco patrick weird memories

daniel · the wee hours · 3 comments · ping it

Inspiration hits at odd times. It can strike anywhere. In this particular case I was sitting on the toilet. At 2 in the morning. But hey, what can you do? I washed my hands, and refuse to argue with my insomnia, so here I am. I realized I forgot to mention one small detail of my past weekend. Richard and I selected and bought a new bedroom set. Was it my dream furniture? No, not so much. It is really close though, and I am really excited. There will be a real dresser! In my room! (Clearly it’s the little things...)

It may seem to some that I am a bit spoiled. At least it does to Richard, who mentioned it just the other day. His reasoning was a bit different, but still. If one were to visit the homestead here at dp.com enterprises it may seem like we have a lot of stuff. Nice stuff. Let me just say it has taken us close to ten years to accumulate an entire house of furniture and accessories. Not that I feel bad about owning stuff, but it came to mind after Richard’s comment. You see it all started long, long ago. I was in my early twenties. I wore my tightest tee shirt again that day…

I moved in with Richard on Valentine’s Day. It was the Valentine’s Day directly following that 4th of July weekend where we met at that baseball game. We waited a whole 7 months, although during that time I was mostly spending all my time at his place. I had a roommate and he didn’t, so for privacy alone… It can be awkward when your roomy hears that ass slapping of new love! Anyhoo, I remember moving day as if it was yesterday. It was raining. I was very concerned about my second hand leather couches getting wet. A painful time to be sure. But I survived and soon we were haggling over what to keep and what went. Combining households is a daunting task, and in an effort to save our sanity as well as our young relationship we opted for the storage unit. For just 60 dollars a month we each had the piece of mind of knowing that if the whole situation tanked our belongings were just up the road, ready to set up house individually. Getting into the storage unit involved careful negotiations. We ditched his water bed, and like 90 percent of my other stuff was newer so I like totally won. But the efforts to build a nest together started then. Luckily we both worked retail, as that discount was to become the most important thing..

Anyhoo, that first apartment was tiny and shabby. It was our goal to like hide it. We covered it up with throw rugs, framed prints, and lamps. It was Daly City. It was dark and foggy and the place was poorly lit. We did make some smart purchases then tho. Like our dining set. Or the fish tank. Or some bathroom accessories.

3 or 4 years passed and we finally made enough money to move, and we moved up! San Mateo, sunshine, and a brand new apartment complex! No one had ever lived in our unit before us!! It was then that Richard brought home ALL of the coordinating pieces to the dining set, like the coffee table, and etageres. We finally replaced the second hand couch. We ditched my full size bed I grew up in for a California King. w00t. Sure we had no real bedroom set, other that my mother’s sister’s stuff she passed on after her divorce, but all that went into the spare room with the smaller bed. We had a walk in closet now! We needed no dresser! The bedroom was like all bed! The place also had a kitchen you could actually cook in, working oven and all. We started collecting Kitchen Aid red accessories and utensils. We bought dishes that matched a piece of artwork we liked. (We shopped a lot in that time… new bathroom stuff? TV stand? more art?)

After a few years there we were off to San Diego. Richard found us a place that was much bigger than out pretty new apartment in San Mateo. And we had to fill that too. Enter the bar, some enormous artwork, a sitting room chair that we later paired, my desk. I miss that desk. We got a great lamp.

And here we are in our second address in San Diego and finally buying bedroom furniture after ten years. That last room will finally be done. And most of the things we got together over the years we still have and look great no matter where we go. The only thing we didn’t ever buy together over the years is a home. We are working on that tho. 

tagged: richard memories spoiled insomnia moving home furnishings combining households
  Fleming And John - Comfortable    

daniel · the wee hours · 3 comments · ping it

Tonight Richard is doing up one of his amazing dinners. While checking on his turkey, he commented that we had a ways to go as it wasn’t yet registering on the meat thermometer. I asked him if the oven was working. He laughed, yet said that wasn’t funny. This is an inside little joke of ours that goes way back.

You see, when we first started dating (I use the term dating loosely. We were rarely apart.) Richard had decided to cook for me. He was going to do something fancy. I was to show up after work and do nothing but enjoy the meal. I was excited! I had never had a man cook for me before! Of course, I had never been on a date that involved a meal… Anyhoo. So after work I raced home and changed into the tightest t-shirt I owned and threw on some jeans. I made the 50 minute drive over to his place in a nervous state. I had no idea what to expect, and felt kinda bad that he was cooking and going to so much trouble. When I arrived it was a scene I’ll never ever forget.

I knocked on the door. I heard him tell me to come in so I opened the door and looked around. There was Richard, in a tank top and his underwear.

Wait, it’s not like you think… You are so durteh!

He was actually in the kitchen, squatted in front of the oven, and cursing/praying. He stood up and apologized. Apparently he hadn’t yet used the oven much and didn’t realize that it didn’t quite work. It turned on, but didn’t heat up much past 25 degrees. He was at that moment hoping that the oven would heat up. He hadn’t taken the time to finish getting ready because he was so wrecked over the potentially ruined meal. I assured him it was no big deal. We laughed, kinda.. He was still upset (so cute). He ended up asking to borrow an upstairs neighbors oven. It was crazy, yet one of my fondest memories. Sheesh! Can you believe we are heading for year number ten together? That boggles my mind. 

tagged: richard memories oven turkey

daniel · early evening · 4 comments · ping it

So I was over at Doublecool.com where Todd had posted an old Juice Newton number from the YouTube. This of course led to an hour of YouTube surfing. That always happens to me. One click, and I am stuck. Anyway, I eventually made it to some Olivia Newton-John. Namely, the theme song/video from Twist of Fate. I remember going to see this movie the weekend it opened. My brother and I (and possibly a neighbor kid) had to drive over to the next town to the biggest movie theater around. Oddly, it had a dirt parking lot. I don’t remember the plot much. I’ll have to rent it again to have that come flooding back. I do remember we had candy and popcorn. I remember having a lot of fun hanging out with mom. I also remember thinking the movie was amazing. I remember thinking John Travolta was beautiful.

I soon had the soundtrack in my walkman and listed to the song Twist of Fate over and over and over. Cause that’s what I did when I liked a song back then. Heh. I still do that now. Repeat is my favorite button on my CD player…

Anyhoo, this brought back memories, so I thought I’d share it.

tagged: you tube mom movies doublecool.com twist of fate juice newton olivia newton-john
  Olivia Newton-John - Twist of Fate    

daniel · the wee hours · 3 comments · ping it

Looks like I have been in San Diego two years now! Wow. Time sure flies. This time 2 years ago I was just settling in…

tagged: san diego time 2 years ago

daniel · lunch time · say it · ping it